Terms of Service

Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us include it and made
us use a precious button on our home page to get you here. At first, we thought
the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the page. What a Netwakening!
It’s really important stuff. We took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated
it into readable English. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this
page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from
really nasty people, like prosecutors.

Here’s the deal:

We run this site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it
for personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and cybergratification.
So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even download stuff from
the site but only for non-commercial, personal use. If you do, though, don’t
fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the stuff. They’re
there for a really good reason. And don’t even think about distributing, modifying,
transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything else uncool with any of the
stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for public or commercial
purposes unless we give you written permission. And it’s not likely we will.

If you visit our site, you’re also legally obligated to [read: stuck with]
the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that
applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los Angeles, CA.
You shouldn’t access or browse the site if you have any problem with that,
because once you start, there’s no turning back — you are bound by [read:
stuck with] the terms and conditions.

So here’s the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out on
our site:

1.      For everyone’s sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted
unless we say it’s not. So you can’t use the stuff except how we say you can
on this page or anywhere else on the site without our written permission.
And like we said before, it’s not likely we’ll give you permission anyway.
In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway.
So it’s better you don’t even ask.

2.      While we try to include accurate stuff on the site, we’re not promising
you it’s accurate. In fact, we’re not promising you anything except fun and
entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you’re using it at your own
risk. Don’t call us if there’s a problem because we assume no liability or
responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.

3.      We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the
site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular,
the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes “direct, incidental,
consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to,
or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site
is provided to you ‘AS IS’ WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED
OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY,
FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.

Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied
warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your
local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the exclusion of
implied warranties. ” Ugh! What a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put
all of that in quotes because we couldn’t figure out any other way to say
it that the lawyers would accept. But here’s the bottom line — we’re not
responsible if you’re browsing around and the site damages you or your computer
or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn’t happen, but
if it does, don’t call us.

4.      If you don’t want the world to know something, don’t post in on the
site in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That’s because anything you disclose
to us is ours. That’s right — ours. So we can do anything we want with the
stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it,
broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send it to your mother
(as soon as we find her address). Not only that, we can even use any ideas,
concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we want to, including,
developing, manufacturing and marketing products or other stuff using the
information you post.

5.      Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property
or someone else’s property we’re using with their permission. No matter what,
it’s definitely not your property. You or any of your net-friends can’t use
it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere else on the site. And
guess what — we won’t say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because unauthorized
use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download
to yourself.

6.      There’s also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the
site that either we own or we’re using with someone else’s permission. So
don’t think you have any kind of license or right to use them, because you
don’t and we’re not about to give you one. If you don’t leave them alone and
mess with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we’ll probably
go ballistic, so will the companies that own the other trademarks, logos and
service marks. That means that we’re likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor
to come after you for messing around with our property or the property of
others.

7.      You’ll probably notice we’ve linked our site to lots of others. While
that’s cool, it doesn’t mean we’ve looked at all those sites, much less checked
them out periodically to see what’s going on. So don’t blame us if some site
you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead
and link, but remember, you’re doing it at your risk.

8.      That brings us to what you do on our own site. While we occasionally
listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our discussion groups
or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume no liability
for the content of those locations or for any mistakes, defamation, libel,
slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you might
encounter when you visit such places on our site. And don’t be stupid by posting
or transmitting any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene,
scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or
any material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal offense, get
someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter violate any law —
anywhere, anytime. While we certainly respect your privacy, we have no choice
but to fully cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or court which
might ask us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.

9.      Software that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts of patriotic
U.S. laws. Because of that, you can’t download or send the software to anyone
in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria,
or any other country where United States has embargoed goods; or (get this)
to anyone on the United States Treasury Department’s list of Specially Designated
Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department’s Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI’s
Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As if that
were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely
places, you’re not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it!

10.     We’re also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site
any time we want to. That’s because it’s ours and we have the programmers
who can do it. If we do change the page, then you’re bound by [read: stuck
with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.

11.       If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to “sue”
(a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement. (sort of
according to the Geneva Convention):

This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of California, without regard to principles of conflict
of laws.

To the extent you have in any manner violated or
threatened to violate TimsPoolService.comand/or its affiliates’ intellectual
property rights, TimsPoolService.comand/or its affiliates may seek injunctive
or other appropriate relief   in any state or federal court in the State of
California,
and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts.

Any other disputes
will be resolved as follows:

If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to
first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in the
following location: Sacramento County. Any costs and fees other than attorney
fees associated with the mediation will be shared equally by each of us.

If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually
satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to
binding arbitration at the following location: Sacramento County, under the rules
of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the award rendered
by the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction to do so.

If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what
the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that human
torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look
disappointed!

August 1, 2009

TimsPoolService.com

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